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The Protector and the Crippler
by Catie Hayes of WomanLinks.com
It's funny how fear can be a double edged sword. A small dose
protects us from repeating harmful situations, while too much
paralyzes.
The other evening as I pulled dinner from the oven, one of my cats
eagerly trotted close, drawn to the scent of roast chicken. Now, he
had no clue how hot the oven was or that his proximity was
dangerous. He'd never been burned and was fearless. He knew that
food was near and smelled good. Everything else was extraneous
information, essentially a kitty 'whatever'. Only fear garnered in a
previous experience with the oven would have stopped his
investigation. As it was, I removed him from the kitchen for
safety's sake.
Any bad experience becomes a lesson. When faced with similar
circumstances, warning bells go off and we know what choices don't
work. After falling down enough times, toddlers figure out that
leaning too far back or too far forward results in a tumble which,
more times than not, is not the desired outcome. That little bit of
fear teaches us what works, and what doesn't. We learn, we cope, we
move on.
Too much fear, however, pushes the urge for self-preservation to an
extreme. Fear's lessons become distorted, sweeping generalizations.
Coming out of 15 years of dysfunction, deceit and manipulation,
trust is no longer a given with me. I've become more jaded than I
care to admit, even when my heart tells me the coast is clear. Sure,
in my divorce I discovered I had the strength to get the hell out of
Dodge. If I survived that, I'm sure I could survive just about
anything at this point, but am I destined to keep an eye peeled for
the nearest exit sign? Must I assume a repeat of my marital
nightmare is inevitable? It's difficult to imagine having a
relationship of any depth while imprisoned by the very fear that
freed me.
When the danger has passed, it's hard to get out of crisis mode.
It's hard not to be constantly on guard, waiting for the next
betrayal. In reality, there really are two options at this point,
either believe history repeats, or trust in the ability to handle
whatever actually happens. Buying into "once burned, always burned"
does nothing more than freeze the heart. You grow bitter, but never
move on. The real danger is not what happened in the past, or the
chance it will reoccur. The true danger is never emerging from the
trauma fully. Recognizing fear as the true threat allows a bruised
heart to start beating again.
Once the booming cadence of fear quiets, the sound of the world
beckoning becomes audible.
blessings,
Catie
Copyright 2004 WomanLinks.com
About the Author : Catie Hayes is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com;
a community of support, spirituality, growth and empowerment for
women. She is a freelance writer, the single homeschooling mom of
two, and an avid fan of laughter, spontaneous dancing, cats and
chocolate (not necessarily in that order).
This article is free for republishing
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